I run away from my anxiety and then I lift things up and put them down.

Yup you read that right. I like every other 30 year old here (if this is not you then You’re doing Amazing at life lol) I have a slew of things wrong with me. PTSD from a mentally abusive first marriage (yes I know I got married really young), which also left me with depression and horrible anxiety. Also like most people my age, I was old enough NOT to be on my parents insurance, so therefor I didn’t have coverage from the ages of 26-30 ( I finally found a job this year that offers amazing healthcare!). So what does one do when they have all these demons living in their mind? You find something to do to get out of that funk. Some turn to alcohol ( did that), some turn to drugs, (puff puff pass Check) and the list can go on and on with horrible and not so much healthy things to keep you busy but once I hit rock bottom while waking up from a hungover one night stand, I knew I had to change SOMETHING.

So I started working out and running. Now there is something about going on a LONG run, and I’m not talking about 20-3- minuets. No no no… I’m talking about those 7-8 milers, those long Saturday runs that are supposed to make or break your training, that just take you out of your head and really focus on your soul, spirit, and just puts everything out there and forces you to deal with it then and there because what else do you have to think about? I have found myself balling my eyes out on mile 5 and then laughing and smiling when I finished mile 9.

It’s such a primal and natural way of movement because since the beginning of time that’s what we needed to do to stay alive. Run. Most importantly though for me I needed to stay alive at all cost, and Going waaaaaaay back to my roots. I ran. That was my therapy, my doctor, my survival. Now I’m not saying that it is a cure all. HELL NO but it does the job instead of being on copious amounts of medication ( if you have to be then that’s okay too. Do you boo, I love you the way you are but that’s not my jive) . So yeah that’s what was on my mind of gratitude. lol